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Wake Me Up When 2020 Ends

Throughout this year, as the pandemic kept going, I went through a lot of different emotions. I can’t say it affected me as much as others. As an introvert, I was secretly excited that I got to hangout at home all the time and no one would question it or make me feel bad for not doing something. I missed being able to go on vacations but I assumed that I would be able to go again soon.

I got to work from home, which at first I was worried about. Online personal training is not something new but it wasn’t my forte. I’ve tried to do it in the past but I didn’t have the time or energy and to be honest, others did it much better than me. I also didn’t know how to grow my business online.

Our fears about the future soldiered on but we adapted. Most of us are back at work even if it’s not what we were doing before. Our clients ended up really enjoying the online workouts and I enjoyed the stability of my schedule. I no longer worked long hours, I had a scheduled lunch and I worked out WITH my clients now, which is fun and engaging for both of us.

But over the last couple of weeks as summer ended and we are still in this looming pandemic that just won’t go away, I’ve been starting to lack excitement. I have nothing to look forward to, I have anxiety about being lazy, I don’t really want to do anything even though I force myself to and I’m not putting as much effort into things as I normally would.

I also never really cared about social media. I didn’t think it affected me negatively because I can compartmentalize fairly well. Whatever I read or saw, i didn’t take personally. But now I see so much hatred and negativity from people I thought were intelligent people. The comments section on any news article is filled with such disgusting behavior. Uneducated people are spewing nonsense and I assume most of them are bots, made to enrage and divide us. I have unfriended people for their beliefs and I’ve found people have unfriended me. I’m not sure why but I have a sneaking suspicion it’s because I’m very outspoken about anti-racism and harmful conspiracy theories. I can’t help but think to myself, “should I stop speaking out?” “whats the point?” Is this normal? Is this hormonal? Am I the only one who’s feeling this?

I feel dull. And I wish I could end this blog with something more positive but I’m putting it out there for those who feel the same. I hope we get past this and that we get some excitement back in our lives soon even though I’m not sure it will ever be the same life we once knew. Our most amazing attribute as human beings is our ability to adapt to our surroundings and stress. In fact, that’s how you build muscle: you stress your body until it must adapt and change. How apropos.